Monday, December 26, 2011

The Curse To Care

    The title is kind of blunt, maybe a little too bold for your liking but you can't deny that it makes you question........A LOT probably. It's so easy to be careless. It's so easy to ONLY want to look after your own well being. I'll be the first to say I'm cursed with caring about mofos....way more than they deserve. I was manipulated at a young age to think that helping others as much as you can was the right thing to do. "Hey, I know I didn't do all I could have done to pay this bill, I guess I'll just ask O for some of his money." Yup, I was that guy...if I had it then you had it. And you might be lucky enough that I wouldn't even ask for it back because I was the type of guy to work hard, to take care of myself no matter what and hardly complain. I did that for so many years, fck, so many years dude...and it doesn't help that I have a good memory either. I remember when I was 7yrs old I let my sister "borrow" $10 and never got that back. I remember giving my mother money so my sisters could have everything they needed when they were in their extracurricular programs even though I couldn't do them. I'm still not sure if they depended on me so much because I was the "man of the house" or if they were taking advantage of me because I have more heart than they do. I am sure that my naive heart is why I'm not in my daughter's life right now though. Anyway, moving on.

    Caring all the time is hard and complicated. If you're a hard working person, an independent person, a person with a heart then I'm sure you struggle with deciding to complain, to be compassionate or telling someone to kiss your ass. The choice is ALWAYS yours, I'm not writing this to tell you not to care but to advise you not to care about others more than they care about themselves. Laziness, complacency, and selfishness are three character traits I don't tolerate anymore. If you didn't care about your phone enough to pay your bill then why should I. If you thought it was a good idea to beg for money to send your daughter to prom two weeks before being evicted why should I care that you're begging now. You get stranded somewhere so it's my responsibility to come 30-45mins out of my way to pick you up....if you didn't put them in that situation then you shouldn't feel any guilt when they need your help. Lazy will guilt the shit out of you until they get their way lol.  They say "The Person That Cares The Least Holds The Most Power" but that's just a fallacy they tell us to cause confusion between our head and our heart. You do have the power that's why they're coming to you in the first place, that's why they use the words "I need your help." Take a stand...take a stand for your own conscience because you won't find that many that will do it for you. You can be a good person and still say no. Don't get fcked over like Jesus did. Lbs (Laughing But Serious)

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Fck You, I Don't Have A Dirty Mouth

  Some of us have absolutely no problems whatsoever using the language of the Gods.......PROFANITY! People will try to tell you that using profanity is the absence of intellect, well....fck them. You've seen some of my posts don't act like you didn't have to look up at least ONE word. I like to tell myself that I have a somewhat profound vocabulary, that's only cause I be thinking I'm the shit sometimes, but I love to cuss. I fcking love it and I'm not ashamed. Do I cuss all the time? For the most part yes lol. But that doesn't make me a bad person, sheesh. Can profanity be unprofessional and disrespectful? Sure it can be, but this shit ain't Black&White like most people's perception make it out to be. Without question there are times that it is definitely inappropriate to use profanity but certain situations so is talking with your hands, slouching your shoulders, rolling your eyes, even raising your voice but everyone wants to complain about my fcking language? Give me a break got dammit. In the growing connotative society we live in today, the way we communicate is changing just as fast as our technology. Don't be afraid to change folks because the dictionary sure isn't. Just in case you didn't know "LOL" is now legitimately a word....WE DID THAT SHIT...we made up our own shit and used it so much they made it official, that shit cray! There is profanity and insults in every language, I don't know for sure because I don't speak every fcking language of course but from the expression on faces and veins popping out of the necks of drivers I cut off everyday on the freeway.....I'm positive they're cussing me out in a language Dora the Explorer hasn't taught me yet. I'm not shy about cussing around my supervisor, my boss' boss, old people or my mother but three you should never cuss at is 1) Your child[ren] 2) Your grandparents and last but certainly not least 3) Whomever is preparing your food. Anyone else...cuss at your own discretion lol. All my bosses and supervisors were in the military or worked government so long they cuss too. My mother doesn't use the language of the Gods but she accepts me for who I am now, took her long enough. Anyway that's all I have at the moment so....if you're on Twitter follow me @RastaLaVistaBby or @Jupitr_O, if not continue to read my shit please. I truly appreciate everyone of you for proving my inhibition wrong. Peace, I'm out this B*TCH!

Thursday, November 17, 2011

The Kitchen is Full of Sheet

So.....there was a topic on twitter that fueled me to bring this up. I was trying to hold out on talking about "Men&Women" but hey you know what they say...

I see a lot of guys are still sticking to that "If she doesn't cook than she can't be with me" stuff. Well sir, you need to sit your ask down somewhere with that. Without question I'm sure the guys who say this are the same morons who haven't been to the real world yet. They're probably some sophomore in college with a decent meal plan and plenty of snacks that his mommy paid for in the mini fridge, a girlfriend that washes his clothes for him, and his good idea of a good date is the 2 for $20 menu at Applebee's. Ni**a please! It is possible that he may not even be in college, he's 25 still living at home without a care in the world and mother that does everything for him while controlling his relationships and tells him that his woman better do the same things. Again I say, Ni**a please!
Listen chump...the kitchen is not a WOMAN'S responsibility. A real man can and will cook for himself, when a woman cooks it's merely a bonus that turns us on...sort of like proportionate aureolas on already nice breasts. If you were smart and could take care of yourself you'd know that there are more important skills that your woman should have, like: common sense, doing it with no hands, writing essays, magic, maybe even drives like a man....but the kitchen?! You want her to be able to cook when they sell P. F. Chang's in a bag now? When Dominos has a new crust that's the When you haven't eaten at the dinner table since you were 14 years old? Yeah my man, if her NOT cooking for you is a deal breaker you're obviously still listening to B2K and get drunk off of Wine Coolers. Prepubescent faggot...

When Taking The Box With You Goes Wrong...

This season is full of trends, special occasions, and holidays; Thanksgiving, Christmas, those other weird holidays that we don't shutdown for, my birthday(BOI), cuffing season, no-shave November, and last but not least BEARD SEASON!

It's always so much going on this time of year it's hard to focus on the little things fellas, I know it is I know it is. But Fck it, the pressure's on so we gotta live up to the pressure. I'm sure you might be stressing out thinking of the dozens of presents you have to purchase and you're pockets are thinner than you hoped earlier this year because the hype of Homecoming was too overwhelming to just stay in the house. I'm positive there's one, two or three Honeys (when was the last time you heard somebody refer to women as Honeys) in your smartphone that might be stressing out because you're not entirely sure if or which one you should commit, she's not the finest and kinda skinny but she has a sense of humor...two, she's probably the least cute (which really means she's not cute at all) but she has a body like Serena Williams...three, she's fine and all but she's bat shit crazy and I can't afford to keep paying for the shit she brakes. 

Sir, I'm gonna break this down for you because I'm a team attention. Honey One and Two, you ont een like them heauxs, it's Honey Three that you really like! But the reason she always gets all "Roman's Revenge" on you is because you leave evidence that you're still chopping down the other two. You clean your car out, erase your texts, and even change your shit but you won't thoroughly clean your dude she smells those other lotus flower bombs all over that thing. Look at Sam Jackson's face.............that is the face he had right before he walked in his girls crib and it hit him, POW "Oh shit *sniff sniff* dawg my beard definitely still smells like Box Perfume."

Yup, hard to believe but that's the issue. After eating good you can't splash a little water on your chin and keep it moving dude. You gotta scrub, take the whole bar of soap or a handful of shower gel and go to work on your beard. There's nothing worse than walking up on someone and their beard smelling like New Jersey or Princess Ariel. So I'll leave you with two things: 1. Pay attention to the little things like making sure your beard smells like nothing vice Pro Bass and maybe she'll stop breaking your shit....and then you can continue your pursuit of being the Most Valuable Player. 2. Keep your pimp hand strong just in case you end up with the Sam Jackson face when you walk in your girl's crib she won't even say anything because she know you ont play dat. CHUCCH

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Hey, Let's Do a Occupy Bad Breath Protest!!

    In the growing trend of changing this country for the better, can we add morning breath to the the little guys (no pun intended) like me can wake up and have some peace of mind that our personal area won't be violated by another adults morning breath. I know that you know what I'm talking about too! We've all been violated here and there by some stranger or sadly by someone we already know. Morning breath is borne when a person has been sleep for 4-8hrs and when they've awaken their breath smells like camel's spit, lemons, drake's tears, and rick ross' sweat wrapped in a ball of fire. The only thing worst than morning breath is a person not realizing they havvvve morning breath. Personally I don't think it's hard to miss because some days as soon as I wake up I can feel the heat in my jaws and I run STRAIGHT for the Colgate.

    They always tell you sticks and stones can break your bones but they never tell you how much anger you'll have against somebody that's up in your face with morning breath. Besides me being pissed for the next hour because the smell lingers and my nose isn't the same anymore I probably won't stop thinking about for at least a week *yes, it's happened before*...waking up football Sunday like "got damn, whatshisname breath smelled like dragon's feet the other day." Morning breath really is something like a tragedy because you end up questioning a relationship or a friendship all because of it. "I like Ryan (a common unisex name) but sometimes their breath be on TEN and I don't really need that in my life right now."

    Sometimes I think about leaving little anonymous notes to people so I can tell them how much their breath has offended me and probably others but I'm told that's frowned upon. There's probably only three people outside of my immediate family that I would tell to their face that their breath is kicking like Jackie Chan. We've all thought about addressing the issue face to face with someone we care about but how can you when there's no easy way to say OR hint that shit!? What am I supposed to give them mouth wash for a Christmas gift, Aquafresh as a birthday gift or just show up, "Hey, so I was in the store and saw some Ice Breakers and thought of you" nah....I 'ont think any of that shit will go over well.

    We're all grown now, no one should have to force you to freshen your breath before you start communicating with people. I don't even like texting people that haven't brushed. It's simple....before you do anything do a private check, a pit check, and a potty mouth check. If you're running late three extra minutes won't be a significant difference, freshening up won't kill you but it might kill us! Aye, but if none of you can think of a better way to let these people walking around with hot wolf breath know how much they're hurting the rest of us then we'll definitely hook up and do an Occupy Protest!!

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Queen.....You're Corrupted

  For better or worse men and women are stuck together on this planet until the next dinosaur killer comes or until we drill this mother dry. Nonetheless, each other is all we have and every little bit helps so I intend to do my part and share my thoughts with you.

  1st Vice. Living and dying by "rules." Putting restrictions on your search to find happiness is a sure way to come up short. He has to call first, he has to text first, he has to offer to pick me up, he has to open my door...blah z blah. Maybe if you would walk behind him two paces to his left he could open the door with the appropriate hand. But no, you'd rather walk shoulder to shoulder on the wrong side and now he's looking like 'Radio' trying to open that damn door...or possibly that fcking jog we always have to do just before you reach the door so we can open it for you. These so called "rules" you cherish are taken advantage of so much it's hard to tell if it's genuine or not. The guy that might following all these chivalrous rules might be the same one that's chatting, skyping, texting, and smashing four other women. When you're blinded by the rules it's hard to see the red flags. Chill.....just go with the flow.

  2nd Vice. Your list or the highway. Besides the requirement of them being physically attractive, most of your "must have" list is probably petty. Some people won't admit this truth, but love does come in all shapes & sizes. On one hand I don't really approve of ALL shapes & sizes but, hey, different boats for different folks. On the other hand if that man has everything you want on the inside, there's always room for improvement on the outside. The wheel wasn't perfect the first time it was made and the iPhone took four versions before it could officially be the best phone on the market. (Yes my thirst for the iPhone 4S is strong) Give a brother a chance...he can always get in shape, upgrade his wardrobe, and mature. Be flexible, no pun intended.

  3rd Vice. Being a bitter jerk. Let's face it, if you were so perfect then you'd still be in a relationship.....right?(maybe) Anyway, the sins of your ex are not the faults of the next. Give him the opportunity to mess up on his own before you're showing off your horns and pitch fork. Whatever he may have done wrong should make you more aware not more of an accuser.

  4th Vice. Ignoring the obvious. Speaking of being go into something knowing that he will not be good for you, yet you do it anyway. You knew he was a womanizer, player or dog when you started and then you act surprised when you catch him sexting or cheating. Tsk tsk tsk shame on you, dummy. Everyone letting you know something adverse about the guy you're talking to is not being a hater, they probably care about and thought you were worth looking out for. First, don't ask questions you already know the answer to. 2nd, you weren't apart of that man's past and you damn sure can't be everywhere he goes so some clues and warnings from a friend or associate will only do some good for your ignorance.

  5th Vice. Feeding off your pain. It is impossible to ignore or forget the experiences we had to endure throughout our childhood. Regardless if your father was there or not we can all comprehend and recognize the difference between good and bad, right and wrong. Forgive him for his short comings and never look back. Forgiveness is for you, for your peace of mind and no one else. Feeding off of the pain imprinted in your memory causes you to repetitively choose partners that don't consistently contribute to your happiness. Yearn for the joy and love that is unfamiliar to you instead of the settling for the inconsistency of lust.
   I have a two year old princess that I plan to teach, mold and instill a shit load of values and knowledge into. I know the affects my presence and absence can do to her mentality, therefore I have to man up. I love my grandmother, my mother, my sisters, my plethora of aunts, and umpteen female friends so I'm not just trying to poke at you, I actually want the best for every queen that reads this. Send me a message if you want a hug. Wait, that sounds like I'm prostituting myself. Disregard lol

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

The Wolf, the Woman and the Guilt

The Wolf

    Story One...who is the wolf you ask? In this story he is a nice guy. Not the coward guy or the awkwardly social lab geek, but the guy raised to be a gentleman with a backbone...that nice guy. The wolf is cunning, cordial and charismatic. The wolf is all about progression and being positive. Of course the wolf has a story to tell, who doesn't, but he is also free from drama and emotional baggage. The wolf is a provider and a protector that's slow to trust and slow to anger. With a sophisticated toughness and a rational heart, the wolf does a lot to please and/or pleasure his woman because he has a heart of gold. The wolf doesn't do a lot of arguing, bickering or fussing with a woman. This guy sounds great right? Why the hell is he a wolf, wolves are bad right?! Well....yeah they kind of are, but only when they need to be. The wolf is unique, unconventional and often unnoticed to the common eye because everyone is used to it's domesticated relative.....THE DOG.

The Woman

    Story Two...the mastermind behind the fall of man, the only mammal with a kryptonite cervix, silhouette of a full lit moon and the sexual appetite of Aphrodite. Arguably the most naturally intellectual, beautiful, and evil creature walking the Earth...the woman has, throughout history, been the cause of conflict and confusion amongst men. With the influence to make or break a man's will with a single text message you would think a person with this ability or position would be wise and compassionate with their power. However, that would just be naive. Often oblivious to the consequences of playing with one's heart and conscience, the woman walks the Earth sexually influencing men, devouring their souls, and then giving birth to a child that will inevitably repeat the cycle. A walking Sun with breasts, the woman has the energy or force to make a man grow up or shrivel up and die alone.

The Guilt

    Story Three...a weapon of mass destruction to love, passion and prosperity in our hearts as well as our world...I believe guilt is what keeps most of us out of our right minds. We tell ourselves that we don't deserve better, we don't deserve to seek our definition of the perfect companion, or that we shouldn't take a chance on an opportunity or tell the truth to one another. The guilt of our parents is transferred to us because they brought us into this world unplanned so they spend their life trying to provide for us financially. The guilt drives them to believe that if their child has money and material things it is more beneficial than teaching us the virtues that last a lifetime. The guilt of the woman who thinks she doesn't deserve better enables the dogs to continue to be dogs because it works. The dog is not being held to a standard to improve or mature so why even bother. A guilt poisoned woman will give her body away without a commitment, trial period or even a deep conversation all for the status or chain of a that's all the dog has to do. The wholesome nice guy thinks being a dog will get him into the Garden of Eden so he will transform into a dog as well. The guilty dog knows he's not going to be more than what he is, so he'll trick and manipulate as many as he can so he won't be alone. The guilt of being mediocre causes us to act like crabs in a barrel, just pulling each other down.

    Free your mind from other's guilty opinions and envious criticism and your gifts, personality, and imagination will take you as far as you really want to go. Like a Boxing Referee always says...."protect yourself at all times." Fellas: wake up and learn there's more in this world for you to explore. Stop getting schooled by the same type of women(reminds me of that stupid Jamie Foxx song...fcking hate it). Ladies: men aren't an exact science but if you had to choose, why not a wolf? You already know what's down the road with that dog, that's why you're single or thinking about being single right? can always teach a wolf new tricks! Lol

Friday, October 7, 2011

We Should All Hate Ne-Yo & Trey Songz

My loath for these two ni**as run deep. Yes, I hate them but I'm no hater. I think a hater is someone who refuses to give an individual credit where credit is due, that isn't O by a long shot. Trey Songz & Ne-Yo definitely make music some people (not so much me anymore) adore! They both have a strong fan base, make millions, sell out concerts and drive the ladies wild. That's cool and all but they're still whack as H-E-Double Hockey Sticks! Take a look at this picture of Shaffer *kinda fcking name is that though?!*...

Now why would anyone in their right mind trust someone with eyebrows that thick?! Even his hairline is trying to get away from his whackness as fast as it can, maybe you should do the same!

This is him in high school. Usually I don't call people out for being "questionable" but this confirmed it for me. The three guys that took school pictures like this in my school?!.....are full blown out the closet gay now. Don't know why he won't admit it, just be yourself bro! You'll still have all your fans I promise! Seriously though Ne-Yo, not one woman that I've had a conversation with desires you because of your sex appeal, they like that you're in touch with your feminine side....DEEPLY. I liked the music you made on your first album, there was a good balance, but since then ALL of your music has been soft and redundant. Not cool bro. Don't worry you're not the only one, we're on to Rick Ross too (as far as redundancy). Now let us peep out Tremaine...

Seriously doggy...we know you feel the music *PAUSE* but do you have to make these types of faces on the regular?! I'm sure that might be part of the reason you keep your shirt off but nobody has forgotten that you're a cry baby. He seems like he used to be the Cry&Cuddle type after "cardio" that's probably why Lauren London went ahead and had Lil Wayne's baby, which is still disgusting and sad but whatever.

There are plenty of male artists that don't have to parade around half naked all the time like you do. They have a very strong fan base and make good music, you'd be able to pull the same numbers even if you kept your shirt on some of the time. I mean, what you do at your concerts is your business but in public...I'm sure the females haven't forgotten what your abs looked like the last video you shot. I'm so tired of having to change the channel every time your video comes on.

Both Shaffer & Tremaine are talented artists but all the frontin' and gimmicks aren't necessary in my opinion. Musiq Soulchild can sing his butt off, has a fcked up eye and still has been able to sell records successfully. Chris Brown can sing, dance and box (triple threat, haha) and in videos he tends to keep his shirt on and controls his facial expressions. Have some control & pride my ni**as.

If I wasn't clear as to why I don't like Ne-Yo & Trey Songz...I at least hope you enjoyed the pictures, trying something new. Okay bye

Sunday, September 25, 2011

The Masculine Misconception of the Mellow Mack

    My spine isn't straight but as far as my sexuality, I'm a straight heterosexual male. Still, for some bizarre reason when a few women meet me they tend to think I'm gay. I'm always dumbfounded by this assumption because I'm not gay, not even a little bit. I've never thought about it and frown upon straight guys who enjoy rimming. So what gives me away to these women? What's my "tell" that makes them so sure of my sexuality being homosexual? I'm sure you're judging me already, haha, but I'm not a homophobe so I won't get upset at you for being wrong about me plus I'm open minded so I have some thoughts of my own.

    There seems to be a misinformed group of women amongst us with broken gaydars and insufficient experience with the heterosexual men in the 21st century. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not your typical manly straight man. I'm not all perverted with my masculinity, when you first meet me, and that's what most likely throws them off.  I can do some manly handy man tasks effortlessly and I also do masculine activities that's a test to my athleticism, combative instincts and competitiveness. I can change a tire and check the oil. I can get a little thug for you, put a dude in a headlock cause he's running his mouth to a woman. I'll get dirty, stick my hand down the garbage disposal to unclog it, play football or paintball in the rain and mud. Shit, I'll even get gangsta and kill a spider for you.

     Where their perception starts to get diluted is when they observe how I carry myself in addition to the masculine things I'm capable of. I have a fixation with being well groomed. I tried growing my hair a few times, it was brief though it only lasted about 3 weeks each time then I went back to showing off my wave encrusted Cesar haircut. I have an affinity for clothing. Not only can I dress myself well in an assortment of trends, styles and colors some masculine guys are afraid to try but I can dress a woman with little to no trouble. Swag.

    I had the bittersweet pleasure of being raised mainly by women. My mother, my three sisters and my God Father Maurice. Two of my sisters are 2 and 9 years older than me and my God dad is a reformed (by Jesus & marriage) ladies man. So of course I could only be raised to be a mack daddy player that the ladies love. I've been groomed from a very young age how to carry myself as a classy well mannered gentleman and the type of things women like when it comes to dating men. My BDR (Bad D!ck Report) is clean and I have learned a lot that has gotten me a reasonable amount of attention, discounted meals, gifts and arm candy. I've only been stood up twice by Ebony and Kristin, I don't know what's up with them but you know a pimp keeps it moving. Haha

    Yes, I know the difference between Ivory and White. Or just because it looks pink that it doesn't mean it is, could be Fuchsia or Salmon. No, I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm an avid Beyonce fan or that I watch Glee. I love music, Beyonce and every girl on Glee is fine and walking around in mini skirts and cheerleading outfits why wouldn't I watch them every chance I got! None of these things should tell anyone what your sexuality is, you know what they say about assumptions, yet we often judge and label people with little to no sensible reasoning behind it at all. I'm sure things won't change with the masses anytime soon but at least you'll understand O a little better.

    I know they say "perception is reality" but, that still doesn't make you right. If your perception is fcked up how do you expect your reality to be precise. Just because I don't hit on you when we meet doesn't necessarily mean I'm not interested and therefore gay. It just means you could be some psycho bipolar gold digging stalker chick that I don't know well enough to trust with my phone number or of course I think you're ugly. I don't always like talking to strangers and I have standards that don't get negated just because she might have a disease free Honeycomb. I don't really make an effort to impress a woman until we're talking so most of the time what you see is what you get. If you're really that curious to know if a man is gay or not, muster up some intestinal fortitude and just ask. Most people are better at seeing the truth than they are at judging someone's character.



Friday, August 19, 2011

Men and Gender Transmitted Diseases

  Correct me if I'm wrong but it's the women that have menstrual cycles, not men right? Of course I'm right. You know just like I know, that recurring "time of the month" hasn't changed since Eve bit that damn apple. I'm sure a lot of you have been wondering, with women being the only ones who have a menstrual cycle, how are men being infected with Premenstrual Syndrome? It's starting to get a bit out of hand too. Seems like brothers are watching a little more Tyler Perry and a little less Denzel Washington. You would think the only time you couldn't figure out a man was if he was the silent type or a serial killer. But sure as a new complex social networking site comes along every few years, there's a new complex man in our midst. Dudes that are so sensitive and unpredictable its like Drake and T.I. got drunk at a Halloween party, had sex and 9 months later Drake gave birth to him.

  Look up PMS on Urban Dictionary when you get a chance, their definitions are amusing. Anyway, Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS) is defined as a collection of physical and emotional symptoms related to a woman's menstrual cycle. So what's your excuse for being so emotional my brother? Do you still have the cooties some girl gave you in 2nd Grade? Your genetic makeup does not require your scrotum to shed it's inner lining once a month and discharge blood. There is no medical explanation for you to be as emotional as you always are. The moment a woman tells you that you are acting like a female should be indication enough that you need to make some significant changes to your manhood.

  You embarrass us real men when you start acting like a "Real Housewife of Atlanta" over a female's Facebook status. No excuse for it bro! I highly doubt it was a subliminal message for you to see because you're too much of a bitch to be important but if it what?! She didn't put you on blast, she didn't add your name in the status nor did she say a name that rhymes with yours. If it doesn't have your name in it there should be not one fck given about it. When she's feeling bold she'll talk to you directly.

  Twitter & Facebook is exposing all the bitch made dudes these days. Stop overreacting to a guy writing on her wall or mentioning her on Twitter. She's allowed to have friends of both genders, she had them before you showed up right? Okay then, enough said. Stop spying on her and the girls that she hangout with. She told you she didn't feel good and didn't wanna come over to watch a movie with you, you see her girl post/tweet that she's going out with her and now you want to blow her phone up so you can throw a bitch fit. It's really a lose lose situation for you because she either feels she has to lie to you instead of straight up saying no thanks due to you being weak or she feels like going out with her girls is better than chilling with you, see, still weak bro. It would probably be best if you find some other chick because she obviously isn't letting you anywhere near her vagina.

  A woman would be more impressed by the things that you can overlook versus the things that you overreact to. If she wants to write a status about you but not put your name it...make a mental note and keep it moving. If she doesn't want to come over and watch a movie, oh well, meet your boys at a bar or even better call another chick to come over. Accept the things you cannot change, it's really that simple.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

My Letter To Irresponsible Sperm Donors

  I'm told it's rare to find a guy without a child (or children) these days. I've also noticed that it's even more rare that this guy will come without, and I really despise this phrase, "Baby Mama Drama." I'd very much like to eradicate that phrase along with the word "moist." I'm sure we'll all agree that it's never appropriate to drop an M-Bomb mid convo. 

  Irresponsible sperm donor, why is it that you wear your baby mama drama on your sleeve? Why do you think everyone wants to know that? You think someone is going to feel sorry for you or take your side, the irresponsible one? No way. You irresponsible sperm donors really infuriate me with a passion with your actions or lack there of, with your inability to self reflect, with your selfish ways putting yourself before the life you've created. You're so quick to verbally scorn this woman who carried, gained unwanted weight, lost countless nights of sleep, forced to buy new clothes, ate for two, got repetitively violated by their OB/GYN, God forbid had to be put on bed rest, and last but not least gave birth to a child (a task every woman claims a man could never do), she's the one doing you wrong?! 

  You irresponsible sperm donors don't seem to comprehend the importance of being a father figure but it's okay for you to be enraged when you're being taken to court for child support. 1st, I can't think of anyone on this Earth that doesn't want free money. 2nd, If that's what it takes to convince you to be apart of your child's life then you probably deserve it you pathetic excuse of a man. The circumstances of your situation is merely consequence......not cruelty. 

   If you're curious as to why I'm addressing you in such a disrespectful manner, irresponsible sperm donor, it's because I envy you simple as that. My daughter's mother......doesn't want me anywhere near my own child. Consistently tormenting my soul at the mention of men like you who prefer not to be responsible for your child's upbringing. She doesn't want my daughter to know who her biological father is. I'm being viciously punished for wanting to be noble, responsible and engaged in my daughter's that's cruel, heartless even. I didn't get to witness anything that a father cherishes for the rest of his child's life......her birth, the first time she sat up on her own, her first crawl, the first time she stood up on her own, her first steps and her first words. It's damn near impossible for me to get a picture of my daughter.
  Here I am, actually wanting to spend all my money on children's clothes, pampers, bibs, sippy cups, Fisher Price toys, toddler books and annoying 'Yo Gabba Gabba' DVDs. Relentlessly fighting to be there for my daughter on her first day of school and every chapter of her life thereafter. And here you are irresponsible sperm donor, enjoying your single lifestyle, buying PS3s, going out to the club every weekend, taking mini vacays, watching your plethora of $40 Blu-ray movies on your 52 inch High Definition television instead.

  You sir, are a piece of shit and the thought of you, who's child is accessible, not taking of advantage of your opportunity when I don't have that leisure repulses me. When you get thrown in jail for failing to pay child support I won't have any sympathy for you.

              Sincerely, O

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Free Bliss From Ignorance

  "Ignorance is Bliss" that's how the saying goes right? Well...O thinks you should take it back. Why give the ignorant that much gratification, why pamper them? sad. The definition of ignorant is: lacking knowledge to a particular subject or fact; uninformed; unaware. The definition of bliss is: supreme happiness. In all fairness to the ignorant (smh) they are content in their state of not knowing much about shit...and the quote is usually stated in a third-person point of view! Now...if I'm walking away from a conversation, wait no, if I'm in a conversation with an ignorant person the last thing on my mind is calling that person happy. Most likely, I'm about to call them a simple turd *as I turn my back on them and walk away in slow motion like they do in the movies.* Say anything complex that's also degrading...there's a good chance they wouldn't get the point. And please don't say I'm mean...because you know you would be the same way depending on the situation. For example, If the gentleman taking your order at the Burger King drive thru gives you onion rings when you and everyone in your car heard you say fries...I highly doubt you're going to be calm about the situation, thinking to that silly man got my order wrong...I hope he has a good evening, NO! You're probably whipping your car around at a stop light that's illegal to make a U-Turn, racing back to Burger King doing 15mph over the speed limit, and as you pull back up to that drive thru window your next words are "I want the #$!@&% fries I #$!@&% ordered the first #$!@&% time. That's why I hate coming to this #$!@&% #$!@&% place!" Sounds about right?.....OK good, moving on.

    Most times in an discussion there are those who "get it" and there are those who "don't get it." If you're the one who "gets it" in a particular discussion at some time during, you're going to come to a point where you just want to shake your head and say to yourself "they just don't get it" and BAM!!! Instantly you have pity on them for being ignorant. You're not happy for have pity on them. Why...because they don't and won't know any better after that discussion. If you haven't changed their mind, waken them up to the fact that them being complacent and content to the way things are for them will effect their near or distant future in a negative way or their children's future in a negative way, then after that discussion they'll run right to the first person THEY talk to and THEY'LL tell them how absurd you sounded just then; they'll undoubtedly agree. And you're going around using the correlation "Ignorance is Bliss" when someone asks you how it went or what new did you learn about them from it. Double-U Tee Eff folks?! Stop doing that, hold people accountable for their ignorance, stop letting them off the hook...tell people how dumb they are so they won't waste their time saying the exact same things you JUST SAID. Granted, I don't condone gossip...but a warning is well justified after being aggravated to the point where you feel like mutilating a couple animals from that ASPCA commercial, because let's face it no one is going to miss them right?! O_O 

    Seriously, some of you know better (or at least after reading this I hope.) You're demeaning everything that the word bliss means to people by letting the fools get the pleasure of using it too, they deserve worse. So say it with me in your best version of a Redneck's accent......Ignorance ain't bliss, that's just darn right sad.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Mythbusters: Teams

    Last time I was on a team...was high school. I was on quite a few teams in high school too: Football, Baseball, Basketball, Track. We had matching uniforms...individual numbers though. Oh!...and there was a roster! Yup, sure was.....and even though at times I felt like we didn't need one, we had a coach. A coach to tell each player what their role was, what type of contribution we were to offer to the team. Well, it's been some time since I was last in high school, even though some would suggest otherwise from the way I act sometimes but I think a little immaturity keeps you young, *sidetracked for a second sorry* I got my diploma and I left the teams alone. I haven't joined a gang, I don't play collegiate or professional sports. In fact, most of society doesn't play on any team either. Why?...How the f*ck should I know?!

    "There's no I in team" that's what people always say to us we didn't pass third grade or something. Yes we know, there is no I in team. Not so fast...there is a "me" in there though. Which word do we really prefer "Me" or "Team?" Hard to choose right now huh? Of course it is, because most people want to be able to interchange between the two whenever he or she chooses. Notice how I didn't say they...because generally we let someone make the choice for the "team" all the while that person is really making the decisions for "me." Loyalty has been misused and taken for granted so much that I'm not sure people even knows what it truly means anymore. I'll give you the real meaning of it right now...since I haven't come out with my own dictionary yet and all. Loyal is when your fam (blood or friend) won't put you in any situation that can get you into trouble with the law, so you'll never have to choose between jail time or stitches. Loyal is when your fam drags you out the house to have a good time, even though they know you're broke, and pay for your expenses. Loyal is reaching a decision with me and not for me even if that means you have to waste your time to call or text me. Loyal is surprising someone with some of the money you owe them instead of telling them all the money you just spent at the mall. When someone is loyal there's no question if both of you will end up home and in a bed even though everyone was chocolate wasted. When someone is truly loyal to you a lot of agreements don't have to be spoken of. Not much has to be said in a lot of occasions actually.

    Well you don't have a coach anymore and you are definitely not on any one's team. Start including yourself in decisions pertaining to YOUR LIFE. Stop letting him or her make those decisions for you. They put "me" first regardless if you're involved or you start looking out for "me" first as well. You'll want to start soon too or you're going to turn 35 and spas the f*ck out like everyone else does. Am I saying everyone makes decisions this way even if they're family...even if they're your best friends...even if they're your significant other? Maybe....its possible...I'm not saying you can't trust ANYONE. I'm saying stop being a sucker....sucka.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Money Can't Buy What?!......Pssh!

    In no way is this meant to be facetious but the phrase "Money Can't Buy You Happiness" has to be one of Top 5 biggest lies of all time! {The rest of my list in no particular order: 1. I'm Not That Type Of Girl 2. That Was My Last Piece Of Gum 3. I Didn't Get Your Text 4. No That Dress Doesn't Make You Look Fat} I'm just saying, when was the last time you saw a person miserable because they had more money. *I'll Wait* Hell, I'll admit I'm still learning HOW to act when I get money. When I was a kid I used to get so annoyed when some adult would say "Don't Let That Money Burn a Whole In Your Pocket..." and of course in my head I'm thinking "How About You Stop Worrying Bout My Damn Money And Mind Your Business".....I never had the guts to say it though. I was not about to catch a b*tchslap to the face in front of my friends! Haha

    I've met a few wealthy people before, they were happy and mostly humble people. The type of people that didn't mind paying for your meals, letting you come around their exspensive belongings or even giving you a few dollars just because they can. I've never met an unhappy person with money. From my observations the money MUST make them happy because it's usually the people that don't have money that are mad all the time! Mad because someone won't give them a dollar. Mad because someone won't pay their way to an event they can't afford themselves. Mad because they still have a flip phone. Mad because no one likes their US. Polo Assn. gear or mad because someone sits in their living room even though it's WRAPPED in plastic.......I could go on and on but they're always grumpy about something. Money can't buy you happiness right? Wrong. Money buys our possessions, possessions make us happy, so indirectly money does make us happy. All of us! Whatever you desire money can buy; clothes, shoes, cars, jewlery, electronics, food, antiques, collectables, music (yes some people still pay for it), accessories and few goodies from the Adults Only section if you're feeling fresh & funky. *Hope I didn't miss anything* On the other hand, famous people...yeah, they have it bad! They're miserable like shit lol...they can't sleep, creep, buy, fly or scratch their butt without an audience. That shit sucks. But when people who are not famous get their paycheck or someone pays them some money owed to them....they are thee happiest people around...until they get home and realized they shouldn't have went shopping before paying their bills.

    As you can see from the lenthy 2nd paragraph someone saying "Money Can't Buy You Happiness" irritates me just as much as someone whispering to me with bad breath. There are so many examples, from watching television alone, that people that have money ARE happy. Instead of simply telling me that money can't buy me happiness, because that won't teach me the lesson I need to learn to properly manage my finanaces in the future. How about you teach me how to be responsible and mature with my money. I know I may never obtain the amount of money they have, take the trips they take or buy the things they buy.....but I can definitley be happy with the money I do have. "Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out" -John Wooden. If you teach me how to be responsible and mature with the money that's given to me or I earn....I guarentee I'll buy the things I want and take the trips I want to take.....all without worrying about how I'm going to pay my bills or put gas in my car in between paychecks. But...most parents/adults never think about that, they just want to tell you "Money Can't Buy You Happiness" right before they take the money from you that your Grandma/Grandpa gave to you for Christmas or all the money you earned from that weak ass summer job that you didn't even want to have! (Yeah...obviously I'm still bitter about that. Wouldn't you be?!)...........ok bye.

Monday, June 20, 2011

*Clear Throat* Greetings

    First off, "Stupider" is a word. I Googled it! You're more than welcome to check that for yourself but being that you've actually taken the time out to read this post I would hope you trust me...a little. Anyway, one of my biggest pet peeves that I'd like to discuss is the customary assumption that majority of women that I've come into contact with like to proclaim...that "all men are stupid." Besides that accusation hurting my feelings, I don't think it's entirely true. I mean why does it have to be ALL? When they say "all men are stupid" that's automatically including me and that's no bueno. And don't let that come out of their mouth when they first start talking because then I'm just waiting to interject and not listening to another word that's being said. Is it so hard to say "all the men that I've met are stupid?" Because that's what they really mean. Oh! And all hell breaks loose when a guy even uses the word "B*tch." So it's only fair for women to be a liiiiitle more specific if they want men to use less offensive pronouns. Am I right?! *Looks around for some support*  

   I'll admit that a lot of men are stupid when it comes to relationships with their significant other. [Insert infinite gripes, moans & complaints here] The strange thing is, out of the thousands of stories that I hear about a particular stupid guy, I've NEVER done something like that. I might have thought about it.....yeah I'm pretty sure I've thought about doing something belligerent once, wait that's not true I think about it all the time. *Hangs head in shame* But...I don't do stupid stuff simply because I know better and care about the consequences. Being the only boy and raised around a bunch of Eve's Descendants all my life I know what makes those creatures tick. I have pissed off a few back in my day but never intentionally done so. I've been the selfless type for as long as I can remember so my faults usually occurred when I was trying to please (not being nasty) too many people. I've learned my lesson quite a few times so that shit won't be happening anymore. Hmph!

   What were we talking about again....oh yeah men being stupid. False, men have proven to have the most creative and powerful minds in all our history to date. Besides intellect, there are Good Men. Some men think with the head on their shoulders. Some men know how to plan a proper date. Some men can cook and clean without an argument or physical altercation. Some men know that opening doors and walking on the side closest to the curb is part of being a gentleman. Some men want to find a woman and treat her like a Queen. But, because of society as a collective brainwashing with social media, bling, clubs, disregard for moral hazard and what we consider the standard or minimum of what we deserve by being spectators to the entertainment industry it's hard to find one. Our women are inconsistent as to what they want and our men are confused by who they should emulate because they can't catch up to the woman's a dog chasing its own tail, just goes around and around until it gets tired and gives up. The dog that usually stops chasing, straightens up and follows a path without going astray finds the right mate for them. Boy dog or bitch. Haha