Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Fck You, I Don't Have A Dirty Mouth

  Some of us have absolutely no problems whatsoever using the language of the Gods.......PROFANITY! People will try to tell you that using profanity is the absence of intellect, well....fck them. You've seen some of my posts don't act like you didn't have to look up at least ONE word. I like to tell myself that I have a somewhat profound vocabulary, that's only cause I be thinking I'm the shit sometimes, but I love to cuss. I fcking love it and I'm not ashamed. Do I cuss all the time? For the most part yes lol. But that doesn't make me a bad person, sheesh. Can profanity be unprofessional and disrespectful? Sure it can be, but this shit ain't Black&White like most people's perception make it out to be. Without question there are times that it is definitely inappropriate to use profanity but shit...in certain situations so is talking with your hands, slouching your shoulders, rolling your eyes, even raising your voice but everyone wants to complain about my fcking language? Give me a break got dammit. In the growing connotative society we live in today, the way we communicate is changing just as fast as our technology. Don't be afraid to change folks because the dictionary sure isn't. Just in case you didn't know "LOL" is now legitimately a word....WE DID THAT SHIT...we made up our own shit and used it so much they made it official, that shit cray! There is profanity and insults in every language, I don't know for sure because I don't speak every fcking language of course but from the expression on faces and veins popping out of the necks of drivers I cut off everyday on the freeway.....I'm positive they're cussing me out in a language Dora the Explorer hasn't taught me yet. I'm not shy about cussing around my supervisor, my boss' boss, old people or my mother but three you should never cuss at is 1) Your child[ren] 2) Your grandparents and last but certainly not least 3) Whomever is preparing your food. Anyone else...cuss at your own discretion lol. All my bosses and supervisors were in the military or worked government so long they cuss too. My mother doesn't use the language of the Gods but she accepts me for who I am now, took her long enough. Anyway that's all I have at the moment so....if you're on Twitter follow me @RastaLaVistaBby or @Jupitr_O, if not continue to read my shit please. I truly appreciate everyone of you for proving my inhibition wrong. Peace, I'm out this B*TCH!

Thursday, November 17, 2011

The Kitchen is Full of Sheet

So.....there was a topic on twitter that fueled me to bring this up. I was trying to hold out on talking about "Men&Women" but hey you know what they say...

I see a lot of guys are still sticking to that "If she doesn't cook than she can't be with me" stuff. Well sir, you need to sit your ask down somewhere with that. Without question I'm sure the guys who say this are the same morons who haven't been to the real world yet. They're probably some sophomore in college with a decent meal plan and plenty of snacks that his mommy paid for in the mini fridge, a girlfriend that washes his clothes for him, and his good idea of a good date is the 2 for $20 menu at Applebee's. Ni**a please! It is possible that he may not even be in college, he's 25 still living at home without a care in the world and mother that does everything for him while controlling his relationships and tells him that his woman better do the same things. Again I say, Ni**a please!
Listen chump...the kitchen is not a WOMAN'S responsibility. A real man can and will cook for himself, when a woman cooks it's merely a bonus that turns us on...sort of like proportionate aureolas on already nice breasts. If you were smart and could take care of yourself you'd know that there are more important skills that your woman should have, like: common sense, doing it with no hands, writing essays, magic, maybe even drives like a man....but the kitchen?! You want her to be able to cook when they sell P. F. Chang's in a bag now? When Dominos has a new crust that's the bomb.com? When you haven't eaten at the dinner table since you were 14 years old? Yeah my man, if her NOT cooking for you is a deal breaker you're obviously still listening to B2K and get drunk off of Wine Coolers. Prepubescent faggot...

When Taking The Box With You Goes Wrong...

This season is full of trends, special occasions, and holidays; Thanksgiving, Christmas, those other weird holidays that we don't shutdown for, my birthday(BOI), cuffing season, no-shave November, and last but not least BEARD SEASON!

It's always so much going on this time of year it's hard to focus on the little things fellas, I know it is I know it is. But Fck it, the pressure's on so we gotta live up to the pressure. I'm sure you might be stressing out thinking of the dozens of presents you have to purchase and you're pockets are thinner than you hoped earlier this year because the hype of Homecoming was too overwhelming to just stay in the house. I'm positive there's one, two or three Honeys (when was the last time you heard somebody refer to women as Honeys) in your smartphone that might be stressing out because you're not entirely sure if or which one you should commit to...one, she's not the finest and kinda skinny but she has a sense of humor...two, she's probably the least cute (which really means she's not cute at all) but she has a body like Serena Williams...three, she's fine and all but she's bat shit crazy and I can't afford to keep paying for the shit she brakes. 

Sir, I'm gonna break this down for you because I'm a team player...pay attention. Honey One and Two, you ont een like them heauxs, it's Honey Three that you really like! But the reason she always gets all "Roman's Revenge" on you is because you leave evidence that you're still chopping down the other two. You clean your car out, erase your texts, and even change your shit but you won't thoroughly clean your BEARD...my dude she smells those other lotus flower bombs all over that thing. Look at Sam Jackson's face.............that is the face he had right before he walked in his girls crib and it hit him, POW "Oh shit *sniff sniff* dawg my beard definitely still smells like Box Perfume."

Yup, hard to believe but that's the issue. After eating good you can't splash a little water on your chin and keep it moving dude. You gotta scrub, take the whole bar of soap or a handful of shower gel and go to work on your beard. There's nothing worse than walking up on someone and their beard smelling like New Jersey or Princess Ariel. So I'll leave you with two things: 1. Pay attention to the little things like making sure your beard smells like nothing vice Pro Bass and maybe she'll stop breaking your shit....and then you can continue your pursuit of being the Most Valuable Player. 2. Keep your pimp hand strong just in case you end up with the Sam Jackson face when you walk in your girl's crib she won't even say anything because she know you ont play dat. CHUCCH