Friday, August 19, 2011

Men and Gender Transmitted Diseases

  Correct me if I'm wrong but it's the women that have menstrual cycles, not men right? Of course I'm right. You know just like I know, that recurring "time of the month" hasn't changed since Eve bit that damn apple. I'm sure a lot of you have been wondering, with women being the only ones who have a menstrual cycle, how are men being infected with Premenstrual Syndrome? It's starting to get a bit out of hand too. Seems like brothers are watching a little more Tyler Perry and a little less Denzel Washington. You would think the only time you couldn't figure out a man was if he was the silent type or a serial killer. But sure as a new complex social networking site comes along every few years, there's a new complex man in our midst. Dudes that are so sensitive and unpredictable its like Drake and T.I. got drunk at a Halloween party, had sex and 9 months later Drake gave birth to him.

  Look up PMS on Urban Dictionary when you get a chance, their definitions are amusing. Anyway, Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS) is defined as a collection of physical and emotional symptoms related to a woman's menstrual cycle. So what's your excuse for being so emotional my brother? Do you still have the cooties some girl gave you in 2nd Grade? Your genetic makeup does not require your scrotum to shed it's inner lining once a month and discharge blood. There is no medical explanation for you to be as emotional as you always are. The moment a woman tells you that you are acting like a female should be indication enough that you need to make some significant changes to your manhood.

  You embarrass us real men when you start acting like a "Real Housewife of Atlanta" over a female's Facebook status. No excuse for it bro! I highly doubt it was a subliminal message for you to see because you're too much of a bitch to be important but if it what?! She didn't put you on blast, she didn't add your name in the status nor did she say a name that rhymes with yours. If it doesn't have your name in it there should be not one fck given about it. When she's feeling bold she'll talk to you directly.

  Twitter & Facebook is exposing all the bitch made dudes these days. Stop overreacting to a guy writing on her wall or mentioning her on Twitter. She's allowed to have friends of both genders, she had them before you showed up right? Okay then, enough said. Stop spying on her and the girls that she hangout with. She told you she didn't feel good and didn't wanna come over to watch a movie with you, you see her girl post/tweet that she's going out with her and now you want to blow her phone up so you can throw a bitch fit. It's really a lose lose situation for you because she either feels she has to lie to you instead of straight up saying no thanks due to you being weak or she feels like going out with her girls is better than chilling with you, see, still weak bro. It would probably be best if you find some other chick because she obviously isn't letting you anywhere near her vagina.

  A woman would be more impressed by the things that you can overlook versus the things that you overreact to. If she wants to write a status about you but not put your name it...make a mental note and keep it moving. If she doesn't want to come over and watch a movie, oh well, meet your boys at a bar or even better call another chick to come over. Accept the things you cannot change, it's really that simple.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

My Letter To Irresponsible Sperm Donors

  I'm told it's rare to find a guy without a child (or children) these days. I've also noticed that it's even more rare that this guy will come without, and I really despise this phrase, "Baby Mama Drama." I'd very much like to eradicate that phrase along with the word "moist." I'm sure we'll all agree that it's never appropriate to drop an M-Bomb mid convo. 

  Irresponsible sperm donor, why is it that you wear your baby mama drama on your sleeve? Why do you think everyone wants to know that? You think someone is going to feel sorry for you or take your side, the irresponsible one? No way. You irresponsible sperm donors really infuriate me with a passion with your actions or lack there of, with your inability to self reflect, with your selfish ways putting yourself before the life you've created. You're so quick to verbally scorn this woman who carried, gained unwanted weight, lost countless nights of sleep, forced to buy new clothes, ate for two, got repetitively violated by their OB/GYN, God forbid had to be put on bed rest, and last but not least gave birth to a child (a task every woman claims a man could never do), she's the one doing you wrong?! 

  You irresponsible sperm donors don't seem to comprehend the importance of being a father figure but it's okay for you to be enraged when you're being taken to court for child support. 1st, I can't think of anyone on this Earth that doesn't want free money. 2nd, If that's what it takes to convince you to be apart of your child's life then you probably deserve it you pathetic excuse of a man. The circumstances of your situation is merely consequence......not cruelty. 

   If you're curious as to why I'm addressing you in such a disrespectful manner, irresponsible sperm donor, it's because I envy you simple as that. My daughter's mother......doesn't want me anywhere near my own child. Consistently tormenting my soul at the mention of men like you who prefer not to be responsible for your child's upbringing. She doesn't want my daughter to know who her biological father is. I'm being viciously punished for wanting to be noble, responsible and engaged in my daughter's that's cruel, heartless even. I didn't get to witness anything that a father cherishes for the rest of his child's life......her birth, the first time she sat up on her own, her first crawl, the first time she stood up on her own, her first steps and her first words. It's damn near impossible for me to get a picture of my daughter.
  Here I am, actually wanting to spend all my money on children's clothes, pampers, bibs, sippy cups, Fisher Price toys, toddler books and annoying 'Yo Gabba Gabba' DVDs. Relentlessly fighting to be there for my daughter on her first day of school and every chapter of her life thereafter. And here you are irresponsible sperm donor, enjoying your single lifestyle, buying PS3s, going out to the club every weekend, taking mini vacays, watching your plethora of $40 Blu-ray movies on your 52 inch High Definition television instead.

  You sir, are a piece of shit and the thought of you, who's child is accessible, not taking of advantage of your opportunity when I don't have that leisure repulses me. When you get thrown in jail for failing to pay child support I won't have any sympathy for you.

              Sincerely, O