Friday, September 21, 2012

Lemonade Is The New Ranch

BREAKING NEWS: Lemonade is good with everything! Seriously, it's amazing the plethora of uses they have for lemonade these days. I honestly don't understand why it wasn't in the Bible. You know that one day...that God rested after making the Heavens and the Earth...he probably had a cold glass of lemonade to celebrate. And OMG can you imagine how GOOD the lemonade must be up in heaven, dawg?! If its better than Simply Lemonade or Chick-Fil-A Lemonade you can take me now Lord...because that's some bomb ish to look forward to! Muthafucking ice cubes probably taste like Mangoes & Eva Mendes' tears.

What's not to love about lemonade though?! Nigga LET ME COUNT THE WAYS, it's good with Ice Tea, Sweet Tea, Mango, Strawberry, Raspberry, Alcohol, Hot Dogs, Burgers, Hangovers, Sprite and I've recently found out that it's good with Coke too (the cola not the drug), it's good frozen...I'm getting thirsty now so just think about what I said and spread the gospel.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Marriage: The Forsaken Dream

Marriage has a black eye in the eyes of many, maybe two broken ribs, a busted lip, and a missing tooth. There's such a bad perception of marriage right now that the government won't even let gay people get married. We both know that has nothing to do with it but I wanted to slide it in there anyway. I'm not old enough to know exactly when marriage started on this slippery slope nor am I looking for it because I don't get paid for research and you didn't come here for facts, lol.

We live in a time where men are praised for being players and women are saluted for being strong and single. Monogamy is not encouraged and commitment is viewed as a hindrance to free will and ambition. Women are bitches. Men are assholes....basically a bunch of "glass half empty" fueled opinions. I know that negativity dwells in the forefront of our conscience far better than the positives, but it's definitely something YOU CAN change if you make the effort.

I'm no stranger to seeing failed marriages or witnessing a couple rush in to that sacred union then start the divorce papers before they can even move in together. Get hitched, have three kids, go through hell, then suddenly seem happier once they separate. There have been a few that I thought would "make it" and 10+ years later their marriage is shit too. Even after witnessing all that...I don't think being married sucks. Divorce sucks. People in general suck. But marriage, that shit "SHOULDN'T" suck.

I don't think the titles 'Husband' or 'Wife' come with a job description. Sometimes it seems that's where it all goes wrong for some men and women...having a "list." A woman has to cook, clean, stay home with the kids, watch football, eat sour patch kids, wear lingerie to bed on Saturday nights, have food on the table when a man gets home, be a freak, and lets not forget the old testament obedient (no questions asked). A man has to take the trash out, cut the grass, get his woman's car washed, man the grill at cookouts, open doors, give a woman his jacket when it's cold, and let's not forget every woman's new favorite...catch a grenade for her. (1st, fcuk that. 2nd, even if I catch the damn thing it has a 45 meter radius so you're dead anyway. 3rd, how the fcuk did you make someone mad enough to want to kill you with a grenade?! Not a gun or a knife but a fcuking grenade?! Either you take cover with me or you're...well I hope you think of something clever heaux.) 

Being shallow and a Sagittarius, I'm already hard to please. Not because I have high standards or only desire a specific body type or ethnicity but because I'm uncompromising to the obsolete, irrational, traditional views on relationships. Besides this blog, I don't voice my opinions on people without their permission or only at their request. I mind my business. I have that same point of view when it comes to any woman I'm dealing with. I'm not a licensed therapist. I'm not a pastor. I'm not your parent. So therefore it's not my job nor is it my responsibility to facilitate any type of transformation your personality needs to go through in order for you to be a rational adult and own up to your strengths and more importantly your weaknesses. 

I don't believe marriage is something you do because you love someone.You can love a lot of people...easily. I don't think marriage is something you do because you have a child with can have a child with a lot of people...easily. You marry someone because they're perfect for you. Just the way they are. 

I'm going to teach my children to always think before you speak. Don't make decisions when you're emotional. Just because someone is mad and screaming at you doesn't mean you have to respond. Always see and change what they're doing wrong before they place blame on anyone. That you can always be a good person no matter who hurts you. Never to let anyone change the way they think or do things so someone can love them more. To love to do the right thing, not because some book, tv show, or horoscope tells you to, but because you want to. Take your time with love because people with bitter feelings over their past eventually show their true colors. And that marriage isn't something you do because you love someone it's something you do when it's the only thing left to do in your relationship. 

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Lunch Time: The Best Time of the Day

According to me, the expert on all things that can't be proven by math and science, lunch time has to be the single most nostalgic, amazing, and therapeutic part of your fcuking day. I know you just thought to yourself that it's not....lie to yourself again and I'll slap the shit out of you. How dare you second guess how important lunch is to you! Lunch has probably been the most consistent thing in your life next to the entire cast of Young and the Restless. (Seriously I think that show's had the same cast since 1933)

When we were babies we had lunch...and we didn't even have shit to do! We didn't have a schedule, we didn't have anywhere to be, what were our shitty booty lil asses doing having lunch?! (I had lunch because I was a little boss of course, not sure you) Lunch was great in Pre-K wasn't it, because you knew after everyone finished you were about to go outside to push some girls on the ground, bully the weirdo's imaginary friend just for fun, maybe touching the playground attendant inappropriately because she didn't think you knew what you were doing so she'd let you get away with it...and then you'd take a nap before going home. Lunch was great in grade school because that's when you learned how to sell and trade your lunch to the spoiled brats who didn't know any better and you pretty much did the same thing you did at recess that you did in Pre-K lol. Lunch was so important in middle school and high school. Looking back of course you think "why?" and it still won't matter but lunch was just as important as Tina Fey laid it out for us in Mean Girls.

Who you sat with at lunch defined your social status somehow no matter how much you want to pretend like it didn't. You've probably already guessed how I acted after I finished eating and went outside..........YUP, STRAIGHT FOOL, much like Big Mike, Roland, and Slim in 'The Wood'

Out of all the history we've learned through the years, out of all the lessons generations before us tried to teach how come they never told us how fcuking awesome lunches would be for THE REST OF MY FCUKING LIFE. Since I've been an adult I look forward to lunch so fcuking bad dawg! Especially on days you don't want to be there, it's like your whole morning drags and drains the life out of you then suddenly you think to yourself "damn what time is it" slowly look to the bottom right corner of your computer screen and it's the exact time you want it to be...LUNCH TIME (Fcuk Yeah. Fireworks. Explosion. Marching Band. 'This Is How We Do It' starts playing in the background. More Fireworks. HALLELUJAH!) I think I'm excited most about lunch because I know I'm halfway day is almost over and I can get the fcuk out of here. You can run errands during your lunch, take something to the post office, go for a walk, go for a drive nshit, go to the store, do some online shopping, write a blog post (hehe), catch up on work or homework....whatever your heart desires sometimes.  

No matter how you look at it lunch time is a much needed break and it's here to stay [awesome].

Lunch is so awesome even unemployed people take a lunch.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

When You Truly Don't Give a Fcuk Who Is In Your Way

When the new Jordans or Foams get released

It's a new trend but pretty much it's "get down or lay down" I here. I don't wear those shoes so I wouldn't know from experience. Just be careful.

When you have to take a shit or pee really bad

I don't know what it is but you become more elusive than Mike Vick when you're running to the bathroom. 

When you have to vomit

Babies have never given a fcuk who they throw up on (bastards) but you know the deal...sometimes you make it a toilet...sometimes you don't.

When a fight breaks out

Whether you're running from the fight or running to it. Somebody better look both ways before crossing.

When a dog is chasing you

I think these are dogs where he's from! O__O

When a bug sneaks up on you

Big or small if I hear or see a bug flying around my head just back the fcuk up or you might get punched.

When white men are chasing you

I don't give a fcuk what Mel Gibson says...If you see a pack of White Boys coming after you....smdh....they're gonna fcuk you (literally), kill you, THEN get away with it. 

Last but not least....

That awkward moment when you realize your Uncle Scar FCUKED YOU!

Monday, April 9, 2012

Stop Whispering Near Me

I don't know about you...but it annoys thee fcuk out of me when two or more people are whispering within my audio range. It's not the possibility of you actually talking about me that annoys me. It's not the repeated use of consonants that make it sound like you're whispering my name every thirteen seconds. It's not the giggling. It's not the fact that it could be some juicy ass gossip that I'd care about enough to make me celebrate like the time I saw Anne Hathaway's chesticles in 'Love & Other Drugs' (which I had been waiting to see since Princess Diaries).......It's the fact that anywhere from 60 seconds to 20+ minutes I had to sit or stand there and PRETEND I wasn't ear hustling thee WHOLE. FCUKING. TIME. When all I really wanted to do was pull a Dwight Schrute. (See below)

That shit is hard to do (successfully), bro.We're all entitled to do whisper wherever we choose, I think. After the age of 13 I don't think it's rude anymore. But, don't get mad when you look over your shoulder and someone is staring you in the face. You could have went to the hallway, Sea World, stairwell, car, Grand Canyon, restroom, or kitchen....instead you chose to whisper to your friend 2-15 fcuking feet away from me and now I'm the one that feels more awkward than the persons who blatantly can't mind their own business. SO...not fair.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

































Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Shallow O, There's (a little bit of) One In You Too

I'm shallow, I'm not afraid to admit it.

I'm aware that the term is usually synonymous with a guy being a "douche bag" or "asshole" but, not when it comes to me. I'm a total fcuking gentleman when it comes down to it so that's why I'm not afraid to make such a bold proclamation. You're probably judging the shit out of me right now but I swear this is for a good cause, and the pretty heauxs know how I get funky with the chivalry nshit so JUDGE AWAY assholes. Moving on.....If you haven't noticed...I kind of like to hear myself talk so it doesn't bother me when I have to explain myself every time the person who's requested the response from me gives the reaction of pure bewilderment.

The question that usually exposes my superficial preference is: "O, would you leave your woman if she got fat?"


First..."got fat" (in my head) means they've gained 50-70+ pounds that had absolutely nothing to do with baby weight. She might have been eating for two but it didn't have shit to do with a fetus growing in her. If I met her at 110lbs or 130lbs or 155lbs for that matter than I expect her to remain 10-15lbs within that weight range.

Second...if at a certain point in our relationship she feels the need to eat her got damn feelings then that probably means that I'm no longer capable of being her man. Gluttony is often a stress reliever for some people. If she's so stressed out that she can't talk to me about whatever may be going on than that means somewhere along the road to Candyland she lost faith in me, and I am no longer a sufficient enough distraction from her problems. Food makes her happier than I can.

Third...letting her "get fat" while I sit idle and do nothing is the beginning of a very fcuked up situation. I'll let you get fat. You'll think I'll still be faithful because you're a good person. I start going Tigerstyle on anything that moves. You finally confront me about cheating and not being intimate with you anymore. I blame it on your weight gain and how I'm not attracted to you anymore. You eat more cake blah, blah, blah.

Watching my girl get fat is pretty much manipulation in its most conniving form. That's not my steez so if I can't fix you or encourage you to maintain your good looks then this relationship isn't meant to be and I'll cut my losses and get the fcuk outta dodge. I'm not all douchey about my shallowness I'm just realistic. Appearance matters. It matters the moment I meet you. It matters after we have our first child. It matters after our youngest graduates from High School.

I'm not a moron, I know people age and tend to look older as their number of years alive has significantly passed that of a death row inmate. I'm not saying she always has to look young but she does always need to keep up with herself. Because remember...there's always some young slores out there trying to seduce your man. Preserving a physically fit and healthy body, properly managing a decent look about your hairdo daily, and well maintained hygiene is very important to me and always will me. No exceptions. Take it or leave it, beach. And a couple cap fulls of vinegar in your bath every now and then won't hurt either. The wise Bubba Sparxx once said "Get it right. Get it tight." *TABERNACLE*

Enough about me...your turn.

You've probably been programmed to think "It's the inside that counts..." WRONG. They lied to you growing up. The inside only counts the most when you have a Hostess cake in your hand and the cream filling is missing. Selection starts with attraction and we as human beings are attracted to a persons looks, what they have, what they drive, what they wear. The OUTSIDE is everything and the intangibles and qualities they possess is a mere bonus. Nobody wants to fcuk a personality. Beaches don't want to fcuk George Clooney because of his personality. Niqqas don't care if Rihanna is bat shit crazy we'd (yes I'm including myself) still take a chance at her bearing our children aka it's going down without a raincoat, baby!

I'd just really appreciate if everyone would be like me and admit that physical attraction holds the majority votes when it comes to deciding whether or not you're going to date someone. There are exceptions to every rule (i.e. Beauty & Beast, J.Lo & Mark Anthony, T.I. & Tiny). Some people have the opportunity to get to know someone before they're immediately attracted to them and even then they at least have to be a 6 to sleep with them. So with the exclusion of arranged marriages nshit...most people seek out another individual by what they see, not because of who they are as a person. Beauty. Age. Vehicle. Clothing. Teeth. Hair. Eyes. Money. A little more than half of those things IMMEDIATELY matter to you when someone approaches you. No matter how nice they are.

If you want to be selective. Be selective. If you don't want to settle. Don't settle. Don't let anyone tell you that the superficial things that matter to you are worth giving up for a "good guy" or a "good girl." Because you are the one that has to make that choice and possibly live with it for the rest of your life. Be like me. Demand that they have to be good looking and a good woman. There's nothing wrong with having both. Compromising, I believes, will lead to regret. Regret will lead to a break up or divorce. If that's not the end result you want than don't do it. Period.

Stay Shallow My Friends (In my Dos Equis Man voice)

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Drizzy Drake: The False Prophet of YMCMB (cont.)

One of my readers brought up some good points about the Drizzy post:

          "There was somethings that you didn't address that I wish you had done. Your criticism was spot on and I have nothing to disagree with you on your points. However, not one bit of it was constructive. I wish you had addressed what he should be doing instead, like getting back to what made him blow up in the first place. Instead of saying that he's rapping about life that he ain't bout, I wish you could remind people of the life he was 'bout and what made people, you, and I a fan of him in the first place. You should of addressed not just Lil Wayne bitchin him in that pic with weezy kissin that bitch, but also address how his influence on him hasn't been healthy for his rap career in the long term. You mad at him about actin hard when he really ain't 'bout dat life? So is everybody else, but we need to look hard and see who the culprit is. Somebody who has the act hard fake ass mentality but got homosexual tendencies-Lil Wayne. He got Aubrey to start doin that fake as shit. Was he on that shit before he got on YMCMB? Hell to the fuck nawww! Weezy's bitch ass was the one who put him on that shit. Killing his career at his overall expense for the almighty dollar. Be mad at Lil Wayne for puttin him on that mainstream shit. Underground is probably where Drake shoulda stayed, he woulda kept it real on that level. This is the same for every rapper who went mainstream and stopped talkin bout that real shit they was bout. Aubrey is no different. If anything, y'all knew from the start that Drake singing with Lil Wayne was just the first red flag indicator that he just didn't know any better. And he still doesn't."

Three things:

1) +2 points for your reply to my post sir.

2) Aubrey was raised without his father in his immediate home. He only visited him during the summers. We also don't know how close they were emotionally. So history shows us that when boys are becoming men...that 20/21 age is crucial to our morals and the personality we will most likely display for the next 10-15 years at least. Aubrey met Lil Wayne at the age of 21 so naturally, a man in his profession, at the success level he wants to attain or eventually surpass, is going to be the choice of his admiration. We can't help it, and some men just don't posses enough strength mentally to withstand influences even when they are far from the norm.

3) I'm definitely a fan of artists growing. Personally and lyrically. So I can't agree with you 100% that he needs or should to go back to the artist he was before YMCMB. Rapping about goons in DC, NOT BUYING  IT, BRUH. Rapping about mixing Sprite and lean, SHOULDN'T BE TRYING IT, BRUH. We've seen rappers be successful when the subject and lifestyle of their songs change. Jay-Z continues to do it. Kanye is doing it now. Lil Wayne (even though we don't agree) is doing it now as well. Judging from his music, it doesn't sound like he's GROWING. Songs/verses about being upset at artists "copying" you, being whipped to the fcuking max, constantly fantasizing about Nicki Minaj, and swinging from Lil Wayne's dwarf balls is NOT A GOOD LOOK, AUBREY!!

P.S. If I catch your bright ass wearing Uggs & Jeggings like your role model I will personally sue you for blatant defamation of your own character. 

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Drizzy Drake: The False Prophet of YMCMB

Before I begin.....I'm a fan of his music because he makes good records. He's still confused as to what he should do with his life so this isn't "hate" I like to think of it as a "Character Critique." 

ISSUE 1) You started acting when you were 15. You're Blu-ish (Black & Jewish). I highly doubt you had time to turn into a delinquent. You're the only one without a tattoo on your face and a cavity. You clearly look like the odd ball out in this photo. E for Effort though.

ISSUE 2) I don't always take lyrics seriously. Like, I KNOW that not every rap artist has made it from selling drugs but I can hear you acting sometimes through your music. Have you decided if you want to rap or do R&B yet? No? Well, I think you should choose one. I put up with all the singing on your latest album 'Day Care' but you know I have to draw the line somewhere....'Hate Sleeping Alone'....really dude? 

ISSUE 3) In half of your songs you talk about not loving "these hoes" and in the other half you confess to your audience that you have some women that are still living off you and you go through phones when they go in the bathroom. That's not gangsta. And clearly you and Nicki Nick didn't get married. It doesn't matter how much poosy you get...doesn't matter to me anyway it's still flags on the play.

ISSUE 4) You didn't directly respond to any of Common's blatant disses. Dude, man up. But then again it might have been a good idea not to. Us Midwest boys are a little crazy. He hoe'd you. Now people will never let you live that down no matter how many records you sell.  

See this kid, Sherbet. I used to be this kid....maybe not the ugly Jew fro, or the atrocious hairline, or the light bright complexion but I use to rock the window panes. Nothing wrong with it. I do find something with this claiming he has goons, carries weapons, or anything else that YOU KNOW you wouldn't be involved in. Aubrey you know damn well you wouldn't do anything that would possibly put you behind bars. YOU NOT ABOUT THAT LIFE, BRO! That's why you don't ride with Weezy on his tour bus, that's why we can always spot you in a Cosby sweater, that's why you do just as much singing as Trey & Breezy. And that's okay, you don't have to be a thug or "hard" just be you....minus the bitchassness.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

A Smile Is a Terrible Thing To Waste

When you look back on your past can you recall your oldest habit? My oldest habit hands down has to be that I'm usually always smiling. I smile and laugh so much it's actually a huge problem for everyone around me when I'm not, to the point where the absence of it affects their day. Just like anyone else I have different moods. I've been told that my mood changes are a bit "abnormal" compared to most hetero men. At first I wanted to be upset about that observation but, fcuk it moody is rather minuscule in comparison to how fcuking cool I am. do I get back on topic....Oh, so we all have different moods, some days we're happy, some sad, some bad, some are just mellow. 

Well on my mellow days, full blown chill mode, nothing wrong, just sitting back scoping titties...I will get 200 questions of "are you okay" or "is everything okay?" from everyone it seemed. I'd get asked at school, at church, at a game, at work, at dinner. It didn't matter, if I'm not smiling somebody is going to ask me why. I used to have an adverse reaction to everyone's curiosity. We live and we learn though, and good friends are hard to go by so I appreciate the concerns now. I know there are people that have my back and look out for my well being, that's pretty cool.

As I go through my memory I can't recall any of my male friends that get asked that question as much as me. The reason I singled out my male friends is because for most it's usually only parents, sig others and maybe a few nosy people that like drama that will ask. It's second nature to ask a damsel in distress what the fcuk her problem might be or rescue a poosy from a tree but, people don't just ask young men if anything is out of the ordinary unless they're shedding tears or sporting a severe frown. When you're a likable person with an exuberant personality and a big kool-aid smile such as myself it's kind of difficult to just make a home in the "I could give two shits about that guy" category of a person's conscious. 

For a good two years I went through the most fcuked up shit ever. Seemed like I couldn't catch a break, couldn't enjoy myself for a moment before something else went wrong. It took a lot out of me. I was depressed. I didn't WANT to smile for anything. It took the consistent effort of everyone asking me was everything okay in order for me to realize they wanted to see me happy just as much as I needed them to revive my cheerfulness. It's the little things, those small moments of compassion that a person goes out of their way to show you, that should mean a lot. Maybe I'm born with it, maybe it's maybelline who knows but, I'm aware of the affect I have on other's mood and I wouldn't change it for the world. I have a smile that's contagious at times. People sometimes look to me to cheer them up and that's fine by me. From this day forward I will never let you down. I was voted best smile in High School so this was meant to be. 

Monday, February 27, 2012

For a Good Laugh: Y U NO...

Some of them are just ones I found through a search. 
The originator of this joke actually has a site: Y U No Comic

Friday, February 24, 2012

Racism Only Bothers Me When I'm Shopping

*SPOILER ALERT* I'm Black. Shocker right...because I speak so fcuking eloquently nshit but, it's true I won't deny it. There's no reason to deny it. I'm Black and I'm proud. Black is beautiful. Blacker the berry....blah blah blah. Anyway, regardless of how we feel as a society I personally don't feel that "racism" will ever truly die away, sort of like roaches. When I speak of racism I'm not talking about just Black vs White I'm talking about racism against each others culture/upbringing across the board. 

I don't get offended easily...if you do that's you're own problem, and won't be finding any tips in this post. I've been called a Nigger, Nigga, Black Ass, Monkey, Your People, and maybe one other thing that I can't think of but I just laugh it off because they're usually being petty (cause I'm probably Swaggin on em) and it's funny to me. It's especially funny when someone is trying to insult you and instead of getting upset you have a burst of laughter, the look on their face is priceless. 

So I walk into the liquor store today...Chuck Taylors, Black V-Neck, Khakis, and Black Hoodie. LET ME JUST SAY...the only reason I had on the hoodie is because it's been raining all day. It started to sprinkle as I'm parking so I put my hood on my head. I can't take the risk of looking like Rihanna and walking in the store with an umbrella, that's not gangsta. Now I don't know how much this particular store is used to people stealing from them nor am aware of the ratio of thieves that actually steal things in a pair Old Navy Khakis but damn yo can a brother breath?! I'm not one of those Black guys that overreact to a simple question "can I help you" but MUST you follow me up and down the aisle just because I don't take my hood off and I don't know exactly what I'm looking for.

The store is only 3 aisles wide. Three employees of Indian/Middle Eastern/Southwest Asian decent. ONE entrance and ONE exit. No bullshit...when I walk in the store there were already 6 people in this little ass store. I walk in and immediately after me walks in a Black woman (with a big ass purse) and a White man (with a fcuking trench coat on) and I'M the one you're worried about?! The miniatures are behind the counter, none of these fcuking bottles are fitting in my small as hoodie and KHAKIS without you noticing bro. But I'm pretty sure that lady scooped an extra couple pints of Crown Royal in her purse and that man has put a pint of Maker's Mark in his right breast pocket while my unsuspecting Black ass is distracting you.

I could barely understand any of them on three occasions but I didn't ignorantly yell out "Speak up, speak English this is America!" I used some common sense by filling in the words or I just ignored them altogether. I didn't ask what tribe they were in "Red Dot or Feather." I save that shit for Xbox Live when I'm kicking ass.

There's nothing wrong with being alert but, as an employee of any retail or hospitality establishment it's extremely disrespectful, distracting, and unnecessary to be racial while a customer is shopping or requesting service/assistance. You could lose out on business if someone is uncomfortable or offended. Even worse, that loss of profit could be accompanied with theft from another area that you didn't think was important enough to pay attention too. Keep it light. We ALL deal with racism on a daily basis, nobody needs that shit while we're wasting our money on alcohol & clothes.

In Honor of Black History Month...

Rihanna and Breezy...What The Fcuk Are Y'all Doing?

Personally, I'm not against CB and Ri Ri getting back together. Yes, we know he beat her ass and honestly whether she deserved it is still up for debate since we were never told the whole truth. She's forgiven him and they're trying to move on but as Superstars and Icons for Gen Y...I just don't see a 2nd chance relationship going in their favor. Love is some powerful shit. Love is definitely some powerful shit when you sprinkle Pacquiao punches with it. It's evident that they love each other...also each other's cake...and they MIGHT be great together again but they no longer have the luxury of a "leap & love" lifestyle such as us common folk do. CB and Ri Ri's lives are about profit first and everything else they rank in importance as they please.

Robyn, yousa slick little beach. Taking that dope ass song which was originally only 1:36 long (mad as fcuk about that) and trying to soften up your fans to the idea of you and Mr Chris Bruiser being an item again. I haven't forgotten about her doing all those interviews with the Crocodile tears in those stupid ass Turtlenecks so I doubt your die hard tween fans have forgotten either. Good luck girl, witcho sexy ass.

Christopher, something is wrong with you, seriously dude. You're thee most volatile male I've ever seen in my life. Tweets consistently off the chain. You throw furniture through windows when someone asks you a question. And did I mention your tweets are consistently OFF THE CHAIN. Oh, and there's the matter of you beating up your ex-girlfriend. Breezy, dude, you have a girlfriend now. She's very cute by the way and I'm sure she know a little Kung Fu that's why she's survived this long but frankly the lyrics in your verse of the Cake Remix were very disrespectful to her because bottom line, Rihanna is your EX so it will always be a bad call to spend quality time with her, borrow tampons from her, and make sexually provocative songs with her even if it is "just business."

If you are having thoughts of getting back together I hope you two have thought this venture ALL the way through. And if your intentions was to mind fcuk the public and still make great records...well shit...mission accomplished. I still think that photo is Photoshop though.

Chris Brown's 'Turn Up The Music Remix' was weak to me.

Rihanna's 'Cake Remix' had my ears at full attention though. Take a listen if you haven't heard it.
Cake Remix - Rihanna Feat Chris Brown

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

DC's Singles Mingle

March 25, 2012 5pm - 1am Hosted By:
Big Tigger

DJ Quicksilva

Whether you are actively looking or patiently waiting for the right person to sit down in front of you...SPEED DATING could definitely be the place to find that person. If you don't get an official date out of it at least you'll get plenty of practice right.....RIGHT?!

Visit the link for more info

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

3 Reasons Guys Should Like Valentine's Day Dammit *Sam Jackson's Voice*

Ah....the calendar day of LOVE. The day where you get a pass on Sexual Harassment in the workplace because we're supposed to show affection. Honestly, I've come to the realization that I might actually like this Holiday. Go ahead you can call me weird but my opinion will probably stay the same...and here's why!

1) FREE HUGS. If you don't appreciate a good hug from an attractive woman, a flirtatious cougar, a girl with nice boobs and an okay face, or even the crush you've been dying to break the ice with...than you need to step into my office so we can reevaluate this over zealous sad fucking life you're living. Oh and, real quick, all those women probably WANT a hug from you too. Don't you like giving women The D, I mean what they want, bro!?


3) COMPETITION. There's absolutely nothing I enjoy more than seeing the look of adoration on my Valentine's face when I make her day--A happy pussy usually results in a happy penis. Also, I get equal enjoyment from others expressions of envy. When your gift is on point that usually means 3-5 women are mad as hell that you weren't their Valentine which means there are 3-5 men that wanna kick your ass for showing them up. So THAT means you just shit on 6-10 people at one time, how cool is that?!

On February 14th...I'm happier by making more people jealous. I may not like what the implicates, that if you DON'T do anything for your girl or guy than you DON'T care, that's not fair because it definitely should be done way more. But I play the should too.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Words Of Horror: "We Need To Talk"

When someone say..."we need to talk" the universal reaction is always (See Below)

...then you calm your nerves and prepare yourself for the worst.

THEN when that person says..."never mind" the universal reaction is always (See Below)

...then you're pissed that you even mentally prepared yourself for that bullshit. Nevertheless, this encounter isn't over, you have three choices.

a) You can choose to take advantage of the "never mind" and change the subject or go back to watching Glee.
b) You can choose NOT to ignore the "never mind" and deal with the headache and torment of hearing what they have to say.
c) Get upset for them wasting your time and do what Darth Vader does and CHOKE THAT BEACH!!