Sunday, March 4, 2012

A Smile Is a Terrible Thing To Waste

When you look back on your past can you recall your oldest habit? My oldest habit hands down has to be that I'm usually always smiling. I smile and laugh so much it's actually a huge problem for everyone around me when I'm not, to the point where the absence of it affects their day. Just like anyone else I have different moods. I've been told that my mood changes are a bit "abnormal" compared to most hetero men. At first I wanted to be upset about that observation but, fcuk it moody is rather minuscule in comparison to how fcuking cool I am. do I get back on topic....Oh, so we all have different moods, some days we're happy, some sad, some bad, some are just mellow. 

Well on my mellow days, full blown chill mode, nothing wrong, just sitting back scoping titties...I will get 200 questions of "are you okay" or "is everything okay?" from everyone it seemed. I'd get asked at school, at church, at a game, at work, at dinner. It didn't matter, if I'm not smiling somebody is going to ask me why. I used to have an adverse reaction to everyone's curiosity. We live and we learn though, and good friends are hard to go by so I appreciate the concerns now. I know there are people that have my back and look out for my well being, that's pretty cool.

As I go through my memory I can't recall any of my male friends that get asked that question as much as me. The reason I singled out my male friends is because for most it's usually only parents, sig others and maybe a few nosy people that like drama that will ask. It's second nature to ask a damsel in distress what the fcuk her problem might be or rescue a poosy from a tree but, people don't just ask young men if anything is out of the ordinary unless they're shedding tears or sporting a severe frown. When you're a likable person with an exuberant personality and a big kool-aid smile such as myself it's kind of difficult to just make a home in the "I could give two shits about that guy" category of a person's conscious. 

For a good two years I went through the most fcuked up shit ever. Seemed like I couldn't catch a break, couldn't enjoy myself for a moment before something else went wrong. It took a lot out of me. I was depressed. I didn't WANT to smile for anything. It took the consistent effort of everyone asking me was everything okay in order for me to realize they wanted to see me happy just as much as I needed them to revive my cheerfulness. It's the little things, those small moments of compassion that a person goes out of their way to show you, that should mean a lot. Maybe I'm born with it, maybe it's maybelline who knows but, I'm aware of the affect I have on other's mood and I wouldn't change it for the world. I have a smile that's contagious at times. People sometimes look to me to cheer them up and that's fine by me. From this day forward I will never let you down. I was voted best smile in High School so this was meant to be. 

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