This season is full of trends, special occasions, and holidays; Thanksgiving, Christmas, those other weird holidays that we don't shutdown for, my birthday(BOI), cuffing season, no-shave November, and last but not least BEARD SEASON!
It's always so much going on this time of year it's hard to focus on the little things fellas, I know it is I know it is. But Fck it, the pressure's on so we gotta live up to the pressure. I'm sure you might be stressing out thinking of the dozens of presents you have to purchase and you're pockets are thinner than you hoped earlier this year because the hype of Homecoming was too overwhelming to just stay in the house. I'm positive there's one, two or three Honeys (when was the last time you heard somebody refer to women as Honeys) in your smartphone that might be stressing out because you're not entirely sure if or which one you should commit to...one, she's not the finest and kinda skinny but she has a sense of humor...two, she's probably the least cute (which really means she's not cute at all) but she has a body like Serena Williams...three, she's fine and all but she's bat shit crazy and I can't afford to keep paying for the shit she brakes.
Sir, I'm gonna break this down for you because I'm a team player...pay attention. Honey One and Two, you ont een like them heauxs, it's Honey Three that you really like! But the reason she always gets all "Roman's Revenge" on you is because you leave evidence that you're still chopping down the other two. You clean your car out, erase your texts, and even change your shit but you won't thoroughly clean your BEARD...my dude she smells those other lotus flower bombs all over that thing. Look at Sam Jackson's face.............that is the face he had right before he walked in his girls crib and it hit him, POW "Oh shit *sniff sniff* dawg my beard definitely still smells like Box Perfume."
Yup, hard to believe but that's the issue. After eating good you can't splash a little water on your chin and keep it moving dude. You gotta scrub, take the whole bar of soap or a handful of shower gel and go to work on your beard. There's nothing worse than walking up on someone and their beard smelling like New Jersey or Princess Ariel. So I'll leave you with two things: 1. Pay attention to the little things like making sure your beard smells like nothing vice Pro Bass and maybe she'll stop breaking your shit....and then you can continue your pursuit of being the Most Valuable Player. 2. Keep your pimp hand strong just in case you end up with the Sam Jackson face when you walk in your girl's crib she won't even say anything because she know you ont play dat. CHUCCH