Sunday, January 22, 2012

We Love Superheroes...Bastards

Superheroes, we love watching them on screen don't we...probably wishing fiction was reality no doubt. Well, let's think this thing through for a second...

1. They Destroy Too Much Shit
Gas is on the rise again. Traffic already sucks balls. I don't think I can take it being any worse. Of course I love watching a douchebag get thrown through a building just as much as the next guy but damn that could my office..or yours when you think about it, and you can bet your job isn't going to have work breaks for cake and ice cream anymore if that happens. Who the hell REALLY wants that?! I need my cake and ice cream breaks got dammit.

2. They Always Come with a Villain Twice As Bad
As we've seen over and over the Villain always cares twice as less. I'd hate to be on the Metro Line they decide to take hostage...or at the strip club they decide to blow up for shits & giggles while I have a nice pair of perky tits in my face. And how the hell do they get out of jail so much?! I call bullshit, not even O.J. was able to avoid jail twice.

3. The Women Are Unrealistic
I have nothing against giving homosapiens with two X Chromosomes super powers they really always have to look like Super Models?! I've never seen a Superheroine that I didn't think was Fi-Y-ine (in my 90s R&B voice), symmetrical features with better buns than they serve at the Krusty Krab. For once I'd like to see a Superheroine and my reaction be..."Eh, she's ok." Is that too much to ask for? I already have enough problems dealing with the fact that I can't have Eva Mendes, I don't think I could handle any vagina with super powers running around half naked as well. 

4. The World Isn't Big Enough For Our Ego and Theirs
And by "our ego" I mean the US Military. You already KNOW how we get down in this b*tch. If we don't control it, we don't want anybody else controlling it. They definitely don't want it having a free will, LOL....not that it's a good thing of course, I'm just saying.

I'll continue to love watching them on the screen and we can stick to these kind of Heroes "walking" around. Good enough.

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