Marriage: The Forsaken Dream

Marriage has a black eye in the eyes of many, maybe two broken ribs, a busted lip, and a missing tooth. There's such a bad perception of marriage right now that the government won't even let gay people get married. We both know that has nothing to do with it but I wanted to slide it in there anyway. I'm not old enough to know exactly when marriage started on this slippery slope nor am I looking for it because I don't get paid for research and you didn't come here for facts, lol.


We live in a time where men are praised for being players and women are saluted for being strong and single. Monogamy is not encouraged and commitment is viewed as a hindrance to free will and ambition. Women are bitches. Men are assholes....basically a bunch of "glass half empty" fueled opinions. I know that negativity dwells in the forefront of our conscience far better than the positives, but it's definitely something YOU CAN change if you make the effort.


I'm no stranger to seeing failed marriages or witnessing a couple rush in to that sacred union then start the divorce papers before they can even move in together. Get hitched, have three kids, go through hell, then suddenly seem happier once they separate. There have been a few that I thought would "make it" and 10+ years later their marriage is shit too. Even after witnessing all that...I don't think being married sucks. Divorce sucks. People in general suck. But marriage, that shit "SHOULDN'T" suck.

I don't think the titles 'Husband' or 'Wife' come with a job description. Sometimes it seems that's where it all goes wrong for some men and women...having a "list." A woman has to cook, clean, stay home with the kids, watch football, eat sour patch kids, wear lingerie to bed on Saturday nights, have food on the table when a man gets home, be a freak, and lets not forget the old testament favorite...be obedient (no questions asked). A man has to take the trash out, cut the grass, get his woman's car washed, man the grill at cookouts, open doors, give a woman his jacket when it's cold, and let's not forget every woman's new favorite...catch a grenade for her. (1st, fcuk that. 2nd, even if I catch the damn thing it has a 45 meter radius so you're dead anyway. 3rd, how the fcuk did you make someone mad enough to want to kill you with a grenade?! Not a gun or a knife but a fcuking grenade?! Either you take cover with me or you're...well I hope you think of something clever heaux.) 

Being shallow and a Sagittarius, I'm already hard to please. Not because I have high standards or only desire a specific body type or ethnicity but because I'm uncompromising to the obsolete, irrational, traditional views on relationships. Besides this blog, I don't voice my opinions on people without their permission or only at their request. I mind my business. I have that same point of view when it comes to any woman I'm dealing with. I'm not a licensed therapist. I'm not a pastor. I'm not your parent. So therefore it's not my job nor is it my responsibility to facilitate any type of transformation your personality needs to go through in order for you to be a rational adult and own up to your strengths and more importantly your weaknesses. 

I don't believe marriage is something you do because you love someone.You can love a lot of people...easily. I don't think marriage is something you do because you have a child with someone...you can have a child with a lot of people...easily. You marry someone because they're perfect for you. Just the way they are. 

I'm going to teach my children to always think before you speak. Don't make decisions when you're emotional. Just because someone is mad and screaming at you doesn't mean you have to respond. Always see and change what they're doing wrong before they place blame on anyone. That you can always be a good person no matter who hurts you. Never to let anyone change the way they think or do things so someone can love them more. To love to do the right thing, not because some book, tv show, or horoscope tells you to, but because you want to. Take your time with love because people with bitter feelings over their past eventually show their true colors. And that marriage isn't something you do because you love someone it's something you do when it's the only thing left to do in your relationship. 

A Smile Is a Terrible Thing To Waste

When you look back on your past can you recall your oldest habit? My oldest habit hands down has to be that I'm usually always smiling. I smile and laugh so much it's actually a huge problem for everyone around me when I'm not, to the point where the absence of it affects their day. Just like anyone else I have different moods. I've been told that my mood changes are a bit "abnormal" compared to most hetero men. At first I wanted to be upset about that observation but, fcuk it moody is rather minuscule in comparison to how fcuking cool I am. Shit...how do I get back on topic....Oh, so we all have different moods, some days we're happy, some sad, some bad, some are just mellow. 

Well on my mellow days, full blown chill mode, nothing wrong, just sitting back scoping titties...I will get 200 questions of "are you okay" or "is everything okay?" from everyone it seemed. I'd get asked at school, at church, at a game, at work, at dinner. It didn't matter, if I'm not smiling somebody is going to ask me why. I used to have an adverse reaction to everyone's curiosity. We live and we learn though, and good friends are hard to go by so I appreciate the concerns now. I know there are people that have my back and look out for my well being, that's pretty cool.

As I go through my memory I can't recall any of my male friends that get asked that question as much as me. The reason I singled out my male friends is because for most it's usually only parents, sig others and maybe a few nosy people that like drama that will ask. It's second nature to ask a damsel in distress what the fcuk her problem might be or rescue a poosy from a tree but, people don't just ask young men if anything is out of the ordinary unless they're shedding tears or sporting a severe frown. When you're a likable person with an exuberant personality and a big kool-aid smile such as myself it's kind of difficult to just make a home in the "I could give two shits about that guy" category of a person's conscious. 

For a good two years I went through the most fcuked up shit ever. Seemed like I couldn't catch a break, couldn't enjoy myself for a moment before something else went wrong. It took a lot out of me. I was depressed. I didn't WANT to smile for anything. It took the consistent effort of everyone asking me was everything okay in order for me to realize they wanted to see me happy just as much as I needed them to revive my cheerfulness. It's the little things, those small moments of compassion that a person goes out of their way to show you, that should mean a lot. Maybe I'm born with it, maybe it's maybelline who knows but, I'm aware of the affect I have on other's mood and I wouldn't change it for the world. I have a smile that's contagious at times. People sometimes look to me to cheer them up and that's fine by me. From this day forward I will never let you down. I was voted best smile in High School so this was meant to be.