Marriage: The Forsaken Dream

Marriage has a black eye in the eyes of many, maybe two broken ribs, a busted lip, and a missing tooth. There's such a bad perception of marriage right now that the government won't even let gay people get married. We both know that has nothing to do with it but I wanted to slide it in there anyway. I'm not old enough to know exactly when marriage started on this slippery slope nor am I looking for it because I don't get paid for research and you didn't come here for facts, lol.


We live in a time where men are praised for being players and women are saluted for being strong and single. Monogamy is not encouraged and commitment is viewed as a hindrance to free will and ambition. Women are bitches. Men are assholes....basically a bunch of "glass half empty" fueled opinions. I know that negativity dwells in the forefront of our conscience far better than the positives, but it's definitely something YOU CAN change if you make the effort.


I'm no stranger to seeing failed marriages or witnessing a couple rush in to that sacred union then start the divorce papers before they can even move in together. Get hitched, have three kids, go through hell, then suddenly seem happier once they separate. There have been a few that I thought would "make it" and 10+ years later their marriage is shit too. Even after witnessing all that...I don't think being married sucks. Divorce sucks. People in general suck. But marriage, that shit "SHOULDN'T" suck.

I don't think the titles 'Husband' or 'Wife' come with a job description. Sometimes it seems that's where it all goes wrong for some men and women...having a "list." A woman has to cook, clean, stay home with the kids, watch football, eat sour patch kids, wear lingerie to bed on Saturday nights, have food on the table when a man gets home, be a freak, and lets not forget the old testament favorite...be obedient (no questions asked). A man has to take the trash out, cut the grass, get his woman's car washed, man the grill at cookouts, open doors, give a woman his jacket when it's cold, and let's not forget every woman's new favorite...catch a grenade for her. (1st, fcuk that. 2nd, even if I catch the damn thing it has a 45 meter radius so you're dead anyway. 3rd, how the fcuk did you make someone mad enough to want to kill you with a grenade?! Not a gun or a knife but a fcuking grenade?! Either you take cover with me or you're...well I hope you think of something clever heaux.) 

Being shallow and a Sagittarius, I'm already hard to please. Not because I have high standards or only desire a specific body type or ethnicity but because I'm uncompromising to the obsolete, irrational, traditional views on relationships. Besides this blog, I don't voice my opinions on people without their permission or only at their request. I mind my business. I have that same point of view when it comes to any woman I'm dealing with. I'm not a licensed therapist. I'm not a pastor. I'm not your parent. So therefore it's not my job nor is it my responsibility to facilitate any type of transformation your personality needs to go through in order for you to be a rational adult and own up to your strengths and more importantly your weaknesses. 

I don't believe marriage is something you do because you love someone.You can love a lot of people...easily. I don't think marriage is something you do because you have a child with someone...you can have a child with a lot of people...easily. You marry someone because they're perfect for you. Just the way they are. 

I'm going to teach my children to always think before you speak. Don't make decisions when you're emotional. Just because someone is mad and screaming at you doesn't mean you have to respond. Always see and change what they're doing wrong before they place blame on anyone. That you can always be a good person no matter who hurts you. Never to let anyone change the way they think or do things so someone can love them more. To love to do the right thing, not because some book, tv show, or horoscope tells you to, but because you want to. Take your time with love because people with bitter feelings over their past eventually show their true colors. And that marriage isn't something you do because you love someone it's something you do when it's the only thing left to do in your relationship. 

Shallow O, There's (a little bit of) One In You Too

I'm shallow, I'm not afraid to admit it.

I'm aware that the term is usually synonymous with a guy being a "douche bag" or "asshole" but, not when it comes to me. I'm a total fcuking gentleman when it comes down to it so that's why I'm not afraid to make such a bold proclamation. You're probably judging the shit out of me right now but I swear this is for a good cause, and the pretty heauxs know how I get funky with the chivalry nshit so JUDGE AWAY assholes. Moving on.....If you haven't noticed...I kind of like to hear myself talk so it doesn't bother me when I have to explain myself every time the person who's requested the response from me gives the reaction of pure bewilderment.

The question that usually exposes my superficial preference is: "O, would you leave your woman if she got fat?"

HELL YEAH

First..."got fat" (in my head) means they've gained 50-70+ pounds that had absolutely nothing to do with baby weight. She might have been eating for two but it didn't have shit to do with a fetus growing in her. If I met her at 110lbs or 130lbs or 155lbs for that matter than I expect her to remain 10-15lbs within that weight range.

Second...if at a certain point in our relationship she feels the need to eat her got damn feelings then that probably means that I'm no longer capable of being her man. Gluttony is often a stress reliever for some people. If she's so stressed out that she can't talk to me about whatever may be going on than that means somewhere along the road to Candyland she lost faith in me, and I am no longer a sufficient enough distraction from her problems. Food makes her happier than I can.

Third...letting her "get fat" while I sit idle and do nothing is the beginning of a very fcuked up situation. I'll let you get fat. You'll think I'll still be faithful because you're a good person. I start going Tigerstyle on anything that moves. You finally confront me about cheating and not being intimate with you anymore. I blame it on your weight gain and how I'm not attracted to you anymore. You eat more cake blah, blah, blah.

Watching my girl get fat is pretty much manipulation in its most conniving form. That's not my steez so if I can't fix you or encourage you to maintain your good looks then this relationship isn't meant to be and I'll cut my losses and get the fcuk outta dodge. I'm not all douchey about my shallowness I'm just realistic. Appearance matters. It matters the moment I meet you. It matters after we have our first child. It matters after our youngest graduates from High School.

I'm not a moron, I know people age and tend to look older as their number of years alive has significantly passed that of a death row inmate. I'm not saying she always has to look young but she does always need to keep up with herself. Because remember...there's always some young slores out there trying to seduce your man. Preserving a physically fit and healthy body, properly managing a decent look about your hairdo daily, and well maintained hygiene is very important to me and always will me. No exceptions. Take it or leave it, beach. And a couple cap fulls of vinegar in your bath every now and then won't hurt either. The wise Bubba Sparxx once said "Get it right. Get it tight." *TABERNACLE*

Enough about me...your turn.

You've probably been programmed to think "It's the inside that counts..." WRONG. They lied to you growing up. The inside only counts the most when you have a Hostess cake in your hand and the cream filling is missing. Selection starts with attraction and we as human beings are attracted to a persons looks, what they have, what they drive, what they wear. The OUTSIDE is everything and the intangibles and qualities they possess is a mere bonus. Nobody wants to fcuk a personality. Beaches don't want to fcuk George Clooney because of his personality. Niqqas don't care if Rihanna is bat shit crazy we'd (yes I'm including myself) still take a chance at her bearing our children aka it's going down without a raincoat, baby!

I'd just really appreciate if everyone would be like me and admit that physical attraction holds the majority votes when it comes to deciding whether or not you're going to date someone. There are exceptions to every rule (i.e. Beauty & Beast, J.Lo & Mark Anthony, T.I. & Tiny). Some people have the opportunity to get to know someone before they're immediately attracted to them and even then they at least have to be a 6 to sleep with them. So with the exclusion of arranged marriages nshit...most people seek out another individual by what they see, not because of who they are as a person. Beauty. Age. Vehicle. Clothing. Teeth. Hair. Eyes. Money. A little more than half of those things IMMEDIATELY matter to you when someone approaches you. No matter how nice they are.

If you want to be selective. Be selective. If you don't want to settle. Don't settle. Don't let anyone tell you that the superficial things that matter to you are worth giving up for a "good guy" or a "good girl." Because you are the one that has to make that choice and possibly live with it for the rest of your life. Be like me. Demand that they have to be good looking and a good woman. There's nothing wrong with having both. Compromising, I believes, will lead to regret. Regret will lead to a break up or divorce. If that's not the end result you want than don't do it. Period.

Stay Shallow My Friends (In my Dos Equis Man voice)

A Smile Is a Terrible Thing To Waste

When you look back on your past can you recall your oldest habit? My oldest habit hands down has to be that I'm usually always smiling. I smile and laugh so much it's actually a huge problem for everyone around me when I'm not, to the point where the absence of it affects their day. Just like anyone else I have different moods. I've been told that my mood changes are a bit "abnormal" compared to most hetero men. At first I wanted to be upset about that observation but, fcuk it moody is rather minuscule in comparison to how fcuking cool I am. Shit...how do I get back on topic....Oh, so we all have different moods, some days we're happy, some sad, some bad, some are just mellow. 

Well on my mellow days, full blown chill mode, nothing wrong, just sitting back scoping titties...I will get 200 questions of "are you okay" or "is everything okay?" from everyone it seemed. I'd get asked at school, at church, at a game, at work, at dinner. It didn't matter, if I'm not smiling somebody is going to ask me why. I used to have an adverse reaction to everyone's curiosity. We live and we learn though, and good friends are hard to go by so I appreciate the concerns now. I know there are people that have my back and look out for my well being, that's pretty cool.

As I go through my memory I can't recall any of my male friends that get asked that question as much as me. The reason I singled out my male friends is because for most it's usually only parents, sig others and maybe a few nosy people that like drama that will ask. It's second nature to ask a damsel in distress what the fcuk her problem might be or rescue a poosy from a tree but, people don't just ask young men if anything is out of the ordinary unless they're shedding tears or sporting a severe frown. When you're a likable person with an exuberant personality and a big kool-aid smile such as myself it's kind of difficult to just make a home in the "I could give two shits about that guy" category of a person's conscious. 

For a good two years I went through the most fcuked up shit ever. Seemed like I couldn't catch a break, couldn't enjoy myself for a moment before something else went wrong. It took a lot out of me. I was depressed. I didn't WANT to smile for anything. It took the consistent effort of everyone asking me was everything okay in order for me to realize they wanted to see me happy just as much as I needed them to revive my cheerfulness. It's the little things, those small moments of compassion that a person goes out of their way to show you, that should mean a lot. Maybe I'm born with it, maybe it's maybelline who knows but, I'm aware of the affect I have on other's mood and I wouldn't change it for the world. I have a smile that's contagious at times. People sometimes look to me to cheer them up and that's fine by me. From this day forward I will never let you down. I was voted best smile in High School so this was meant to be. 

The Takeover: Sex

    I wanted to use a more clever title for this post but it was going to have something to do with sports. So to be fair to those of you who act like you're too good to watch a game.....I made it simple. >__<

    I'm sure somewhere on your list of must haves when it comes to committing to a significant other, putting up with your friend with benefits or God forbid marrying someone...GOOD IN BED is #1 or #2 on that list. No..........I'm positive it's #1 for most of you, sorry for telling your secret. This requirement has become excessively popular. The guy, he's cute and thoughtful but he's not worth keeping around because having sex with him isn't meeting your expectations. The girl, she may be a little bipolar and probably a little more volatile but I should put up with her because having sex with her is always great. I bet our grandparents didn't settle down with each other because the sex was amazing (definitely if they're still together). If your parents are honest with you...they might confess that you were an accident but they'll also tell you that's not why they got together. You had to bring so much more to the table back in the day; what happened to the old way and how did we become so confused?

     Love.....it used to be so clear, so defined and definitely the most important factor when it came to our relationships. As a man, the way you proved you loved her was by trusting her. By doing whatever you had to do to provide for her, with or without kids. Helping out around the house whenever you were asked to do so. If you weren't the sensitive type you were at least respectful to her, you know, letting her talk your ears off when she needed someone to vent to or coming home at a decent time or the time you promised. As a woman, the way you proved you loved him was by.....well, actually I can keep this part short.....by not being crazy. *Shots Fired* Nowadays since sex is misinterpreted as love we think that's the most important, sex.

Follow me here, I'm actually going somewhere I promise!

    Sex.....is a powerful thing there is no denying that, I'm not a loser. Sex is probably the most enjoyable way of bonding with another human being. The pleasure, the affection, the passion, the comfort & security, the implied emotional connection. But that's the common issue, the love, the emotional connection is implied. Love is supposed to be define and direct. You should be able see and measure how great one's love for you is with your own two eyes. Visually processing their actions and thinking to yourself "That nicca loooove me." You shouldn't have to struggle with your conscience on whether he or she is worth keeping around because you know deep down that the negatives out weigh the positives, especially when the only positive is what they're capable of doing in the bedroom. Sex is suppose to reinforce what positive feelings you have for one another, not the other way around. Don't let the sex hypnotize you, don't let it complicate your feelings when you know that person isn't right for you. Sex should legitimize what he or she already does outside the bedroom like: sending that "Good Morning Text" you need to start your day(without having to ask), picking you up from the airport at 6am even if they have to be to work at 8am, calling just to check in or say hello because you haven't talked to them all day.....you know, those intangibles aka "little things." TRUST ME...I know it's hard to have self control, to be critical of who you have sex with...abstinent for months or years even! Part of the confusion comes from everyone telling you that "Life is Short" but truth is you don't know! Not even the lunatic that predicted the world would end on May 20, 2011 knows for sure how long we have...and of course I'm presuming the Mayans don't know what they're talking about with that 2012 bullsh*t either. All jokes aside, what I'm trying to say is, don't let sex have dominion over your decisions on who you choose. Sex should be strengthening your relationship, not defining it........because being happy [with the choices you've made] is ALL that matters.